And now what do I do with all those things that were left to say ? Just things I have to say somehow. Porque ha' tanto que fica por dizer... KT says!

27
Dez 08

Intimidade humana é a melhor coisa do mundo. Não há nada como estar junto a ti, nos teus braços, nas tuas mãos... Não estou contigo há 3 semanas. 3 fuckin' weeks!! Como é que conseguimos, como é que consegues?! Porque é que não demos um jeito a semana passada? Queria tanto estar contigo antes do final de ano, não me perguntes porquê... sinto que devia. E isso assusta-me!

Wtf was that on christmas eve? Typical reply I'm getting used having from you when... I don't know! [ "I hate this, I hate that" ] Quando não queres alongar-te sobre o real motivo de qualquer coisa. Não pode ser resposta para tudo, sabes? Like it was the christmas part of the message that upseted/bothered me! Seriously. --' Wasn't there anything you could have said to make me feel better? "-That's it? -Yes." Wow. Thank you! :(

What happened to us? No. What happened to you? Don't say bla bla, you know you changed. It changed and I have to know why. It's killing me not to know. Wanna go back. You used to always be available. worried about me having somekind of doubt in my mind, insecure even! constantly asking when you could see me again, even willing to come meet me at where I live. So I keep wondering what on earth happened and I can't get rid of the idea that it might have been something I did. Then again when I think about it, since the first time we've met you haven't called me beautiful or gorgeous again... which is fair enough, since I'm not... but still it's just something that didn't pass unnoticed. don't know what to comment more on that.

I hate silence, i don't know how to deal with it! I get cold and insecure, then "agressive". I need reinsurance, don't you get that? How hard can it be to just say something everyday? don't want you to forget to remember me.. like you didn't use to! didn't want you to lift me just to let me fall again. didn't need that. why did you do that? I know you're not good for me... fuck! I was better off before you messed with me, you know that? why did you do this if..? what did I let myself into? what did you do to me? why do you make me so happy to then just let me go and leave me?

I feel like you didn't let me be me/myself/who I am. 'Cause I feel so much like talking to you, and I hold back 'cause I'm feeling like I'm not allowed to. This is really too weird for me.

Acho que já não posso continuar com isto.. com o ñ saber o que andamos a fazer. Ñ consigo lidar com os teus silêncios e indiferença.. e isto já não me está a fazer bem. As coisas só se devem manter na medida em que nos fazem bem. (right? hope so.) A parte de não ter um compromisso sempre me pareceu bem, e não deixou de parecer, não é aí que me complico... I just suddenly felt like I'm not worth it (for you), so.. shit.

Então voltando à parte do human contact. o que devia ter feito a última vez que estivemos juntos assim que vi que não íamos chegar a conclusão possível, era ter ido embora. but I wasn't thinking straight. I'm still not and I couldn't, desire speaks louder and I wanted you. but now that I stop to think, I'm really convinced your interest is lost the moment you begin to see real interest from the otherside. the fact that someone might need you just simply panics you. "where" did it happen? what was it?

that we had just been together a day ago?

that your mom saw me with your scarf?

that I paid breakfast that day?

that I didn't tell you about my last crush and first boyfriend? and others?

that I didn't want you to leave (and) made you stay?

that I opened my eyes kissing you?

that I said I thought I'm highmaintenance?

that I asked "certain questions"?

IS IT THE SIMPLE FACT THAT I BEGAN TO SHOW I CARE? (probably)

Or are you just more in the mood for fucking one of your old friends? (since I don't...)

"It's not that hot." Wow.

3 reasons why I shouldn't care: 1.l feel like you chased me down just so that you could tell me you weren't ready! (and proove you could ) 2.you betray, you're not to be trusted anyway. 3.I'm pretty sure it's just my desire to be wanted 'acting' :X

So going back to what I wanted for christmas (from you)... what I really wanted was for you to wake up and treat me the way that made me go into your arms in the first place. 'cause if I let myself into your arms, I expect you to at least hold me. but then again,  it must be true that "you teach people how to treat you". so...

 

the only thing really left to say is... thank you for swepping me off my feet and letting me fall.

 

 

p.s. desculpem a miscelância de português-inglês, é assim que me expresso quando é ele o assunto... também não é que deva já ter uma cota de leitores! --, nem acredito muito que alguém se dê à maçada de ler este post que deve estar qualquer coisa de lunático... de facto, um dia destes apago-o!! ^^ 

p.p.s. citações a azul são devaneios da minha autoria ..

publicado por KT às 00:49
música: Hot 'N Cold
sinto-me: estúpida / lost

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